For the past 8 months I have been, quite pleasingly, basking in the delectation of aloneness and I feel that I’m surrounded by most who are only doing the opposite. It appears a bit fearful that even a few hours with their own company is avoided perhaps because there is apprehension of the utter silence that one can create. Perhaps they are unhappy with their current selves, or perhaps they are still seeking but have lost sight in chaotic gatherings of mostly wasted acquaintances and late nights of little rest that make their beautiful young faces age quicker. I have come to find lately that it is that stillness that has been keeping me in good spirits - because if you can’t re-learn to love your own company then how could you expect another to enjoy it? In younger years I had often become a collage of my own and my friends’ characteristics and thoughts and emotions from spending ongoing days wrapped up in the commotion of their wondrous energies. And I have not thought for a second to exchange the memories and experiences spent with those that I have been lucky enough to share love and laughter with, and just as well choosing the right attributions for adoption from them to build my own frame of being. I would not change that growth I have accomplished. But it is more now than ever that I have started to feel what I have always known: all of the random solitude phases have been necessary to remind me who I purely am. Without the relationships, the influences, the daily distractions of the outside world - I am left in the raw and I’d be fucked if I didn’t like who that person is.
